Hey Soggy Bloggers!!!! It’s that time of month again!!! It’s been almost one month since I posted my last blog (Where does the time go!). So welcome back!🤪
We are in the beautiful fall season. The leaves are changing 🍂 the PSL’s are brewing☕️ and leggings/workout pants with a oversized sweater is my go to! ( basic bitch attire) 🙋🏼♀️. But ladies and gents just because we are in a cozy and lazy state of mind we can’t forget to stay manicured! (In all departments y’all) 💅💇🏼♀️😺! Everyone has that one thing they do to help them feel irresistible. Maybe get a fresh Color/cut to embrace the season change, My sister loves getting her nails done (Shout out! Hey Poops!🙋🏻♀️) however I prefer something a bit more painful 😂 I love a good Bikini wax. I don’t know Why! But It’s very therapeutic for me!
Now I will say one thing NOT ALL OF MY WAXING EXPERIENCES HAVE GONE WELL! Let me take you back to 2016 when I thought up this epic plan to give myself a bikini wax 🚨🙅🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
- First step drink a half bottle of wine 🍷✅
- Second step Think that you can successfully wax your lady bits solo 👈🏻(😂😂😂 right!!!) ✅
- Third step Have some sort of waxing experience (hello I was a cosmo girl!)✅
Well after I took the first step extremely serious🍷 I dove into my unforgettable yet painful and unsuccessful self inflicted bikini wax. 👍🏻
Okay, with my liquid courage at an all time high (thanks to Kim Crawford) I made the executive decision to start at the top! 👈🏻 first of many mistakes! So I painted on some hot wax and then took a woven strip applied it and ripped it off like a band-aid! I thought ok that was painful as FOOK (my best friend Kellie taught me this word! Thanks kell! ) but I think I can proceed! After two more horrific rips nothing could save me from this drunken escapade! 😫😫😫 As I’m sitting there doing breathing exercises like I was giving birth and counting to 3 (out loud) dreadfully trying to take another wack at it,I begin to count 1……2…..thrrrre and just when I’m about to see my life flash before my eyes 👀 lol 😂 My husband walks through the door! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 in shock and awe he sees me in our salon;legs up in the air a half empty bottle of wine and me with no pants on. (You know what he was thinking 💋) Blinded by the pain my first reaction is to make him rip off the next strip (duhhh why wouldn’t he save this damsel in distress) 👈🏻 second and WORST MISTAKE EVER!!!
I give him the run down,pull the skin taunt and rip in the opposite direction. Pretty simple right?!?🤷🏼♀️ well what happened next would be the ultimate fail. (Like this whole plan wasn’t let’s be real here!) I locked eye contact with Dallas. I said to him “on the count of 3 follow ALL the instructions I gave you” so we counted 1….2 and he Ripped. The. Strip. 🙀 ON TWO! 🤬🤬🤬🤬Not three like I had mentally prepared for! Ohhhh Dallas rip the strip on 2 he also forgot the only rule to waxing PULL TAUNT !!! My lip and not the upper one felt like it was holding on to dear life to the woven piece of cotton; it wasn’t letting go. In my mind I knew what this meant..We had to do it again! 😩😩😩 this time we counted to 3 and the wax strip let free 🤗🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻
With half of my 😻 feeling like a flaming hot Cheeto🔥and resembling a moon pie cookie 🌓 we decided to wave the white flag 🏳 on this disaster. 🙌🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻
I have to say my friends even though this was probably one of my worst tipsy ideas it did however teach me some very VALUABLE lessons.
- Don’t drink and wax 🍷👎🏻
- DIY projects are for pallets and cookie decorating; not your lady bits 🍑
- NEVER LET YOUR HUSBAND HELP YOU WAX ANYTHING!
- 👈🏻 most importantly when it comes to hair,nails and bikini waxing GO TO A PROFESSIONAL 👩🏼🔬
So while all of you ladies and Gents are doing that one thing that makes you feel your best! Make sure you do it the right way! 🤷🏼♀️ 👍🏻😂
Cheers🥂 Soggy Bloggers until next time 💋👋🏻